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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27003571">Judgment’s Symphony</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating'>devastating</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spooky FE3H [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Drowning, Felix Hugo Fraldarius is Not Immune to Emotion, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mainly Sylvain Centered Fic, More info in notes, Protective Sylvain Jose Gautier, Psychological Horror, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, haunted house au, no beta we die like Glenn, tagging that just in case</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:01:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27003571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>”You have met him though you did not speak with him. He is the master of this domain, he controls who leaves and who stays” Dedue explains as he walks around the ballroom, feet gliding on marble as if it was ice he stepped on and not cold stone. “It is him and him alone that can decide whether or not you and Felix can leave.” </em>
</p><p>  <em>“So we’re prisoners” he asked, fingers curling into fists. There was a low simmering anger in his tone, one he knew Dedue could hear though he made no inclination of it.</em></p><p>  <em>“That depends” Dedue turned to him and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breath at all, “do you think you’ve done something to deserve judgment?”?</em></p><hr/><p>There are things that people run away from, there are things that people hide, under Dimitri’s eyes however, nothing is overlooked. Stuck inside the seemingly abandoned mansion, Sylvain and Felix find themselves unable to get to each other and forced to go to hell and back to be able to escape. Faces that are long dead come back and old wounds are probed. There is only one way out however, and it’s through Judgments Eye.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius &amp; Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spooky FE3H [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924717</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Judgment’s Symphony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this fic, this fic... y’all I have been working on this one for like a month and I mean consistently working on it too. Like this fic grabbed me by my neck and just dragged me through the mud. It was so much harder to write than I thought initially but hey, I’m super proud of it so fun times. <em>Also please be aware that this is mainly a Sylvain based fic there is Sylvix but it’s mainly a look into Sylvain psyche!</em> </p><p><strong>Stuff to be mindful off in this fic!:</strong><br/>- there are injuries and some blood but nothing super descriptive<br/>- there’s a scene where Sylvain gets pulled under water and nearly drowns but it’s not super descriptive it’s more like vague<br/>- there’s another scene that talks about drowning but again, its vague and not like deeply descriptive<br/>- some mild strangulation but like its two words and then the scene ends<br/>- talks about medication and Felix taking pills that aren’t prescribed to him but it’s nothing bad i promise<br/>- Miklan overdoses, that is how he dies, it is not descriptive but it is mentioned<br/>- there is a scene with a noose and implied suicide but it is two sentences and death isn’t actually what happens, it makes sense in context but just know that it’s there but no one dies</p><p>Please be mindful of those things!!! Stay safe and if you’re interested in the story but will be triggered by any of those things don’t hesitate to reach out to me and I’ll try to give you an edited safer version of this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <strong>Adagio</strong>
  </p>
</div><hr/><p>“Felix we passed this tree already, please. Can we just stop for a second and think about where we’re going?” Sylvain sighed in annoyance as he stopped abruptly. He looked around the forest and felt even more upset about the situation they were at, the only reason he knew that this tree was one that they had passed was because of the foliage around it and even then he felt as if he was pulling that out of his ass. They had been walking for what was probably 8 hours now trying to find their way out of the densely crowded woods and were making little to no progress. </p><p>“We stop now and the sun will be gone before we know it and I don’t know about you but I really don’t want to spend the night in this fucken forest” Felix hissed, turning to jab his finger at the redhead chest. “Or do I have to remind you <em>why</em> we’re in this fucken predicament?!” </p><p>Sylvain sighed, taking a step back to look at his friend. Felix was clearly stressed though he had been for the better part of 5 days now. He can’t even remember the last time Felix had smiled since the two had decided to pack their bags and get out of Fhirdiad. Had he known how miserable his friend would be, he would have never asked Felix to run away with him. Especially not when every second that passed by Felix was making it seem like he regretted it. </p><p>“Okay whatever, lead the way Felix” he didn’t bother to hide his frustration but neither did Felix as the man turned away from him to keep walking in the direction they had been heading to. </p><p>Three months ago if he had been told that he would be lost in some far off woods with his best friend of 12 years and a growing chance of not making it out of here, he would have been okay with that. He would have been glad to know that at least if he died he would be dying with the only person he cared about, the man that had been there for him since he was 10 years old. The man that he had been severely in love with ever since he could remember and was most likely the only reason why he hadn’t dropped off the face of the planet. He scoffs at that thought now. This was frustrating at best, miserable at worst. It was clear to him now more than ever that whatever sentiment and fondness he had for the younger man was not reciprocated which only resulted in the two now wanting to bite their heads off. </p><p>It wasn’t that Felix hated him, he knew well enough that the man cared for him. Why else would he agree to pack up his things and run away with him? But it was clear now with the way that Felix was snapping at him and throwing it in his face about being the reason they were in this situation, that the man didn’t have any kind of loving thought about him. Ridiculous if you asked him, how the hell was he supposed to know that his car was going to break down in the middle of nowhere and that their phones would have no reception? </p><p>“Fuck!” Felix yelled, snapping the redhead out of his thoughts. At first he assumed Felix was just fed up with walking but it wasn’t until he looked in front of the man that he realized why the man yelled. </p><p>“How” he breathed out, looking directly at the tree that he could now swear, they had just passed. He turned to look behind him, “we’ve just been walking in a straight line…” </p><p>“This is great, this is just so fucken great!” Felix growled, kicking up the leaves on the ground. “Fan-fucken-tastic isn’t it?!” The younger man yelled again before tugging at his hair roughly in a way that Sylvain knew was him trying to keep his temper under control. Even still, he knew Felix enough to know that the man was even more self destructive than he was when he was stressed. He knew why Felix was panicking but he desperately needed his friend to calm down. </p><p>“Felix, Felix stop” Sylvain immediately ran over to the man and forced his hands away from his hair. “Felix, look at me. <em>Look at me.</em>” He meant for his tone to be gentle but he guessed with the way Felix flinched that it had been far from that. He sighed, “look at me please Fe” he whispered before slowly the younger man looked up, the hair on his fringe partially covering his eyes that were now glossy with frustrated tears. “You’re freaking out.” </p><p>Felix scoffed, tugging his hands away from the redhead and taking a step back. “And you’re not?” </p><p>“It isn’t my first time getting lost in some woods” he smiled sheepishly before looking around. “Look maybe we took a turn—” Felix grumbled “—OR there’s other trees that look like this.”  </p><p>The younger man glared at him for a couple of seconds before sighing. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. This is probably a different tree.” </p><p>Sylvain smiled at the man before walking over to the tree, “right so to make sure that we don’t mistake this tree for another we need to mark it” he explained as he put his hand out to Felix, shaking his hand at the man which only resulted in a frown being thrown at him. He rolled his eyes, “Your pocket knife Fe. To mark this tree so we don’t mistake it for another one.” </p><p>“Oh.” Felix blinked before reaching into his jacket and pushing past Sylvain to carve the tree himself. The redhead only sighed at the man fondly, knowing full well that Felix would be caught dead before he ever let Sylvain touch any of his blades. He waited until Felix carved what looked like two F’s and he didn’t even bother hiding his snickering. </p><p>“Marking your territory, huh? <em>Fraldarius</em>?” He grinned at the man and for the first time in days, that earned him a small twitch from the younger man's lips. </p><p>“Can’t really put an S or G since carving curves is a pain in the ass,” the man grumbled before stepping back to him and then sighed. Both of them looked to the direction they had been walking and neither said any words as they began to go down that path once again. </p><p>It was a shame that they were lost in these woods and that there was that whole ‘hopefully we get out so we don’t die’ threat hanging over their heads. Sylvain really did think that this place was beautiful in it’s own way, then again he had always been a fan of forests. It was peacefully quiet and the weather was even perfect for a day out. Clear skies, warm sun on their backs but a chilly breeze on their skin. It was the beginnings of Fall so neither felt warm or cold from having been outside for so many hours. It was a shame that things were the way they were because in other circumstances he thinks he would enjoy today. </p><p>However the leaves that crunched beneath his feet were the exact sound his mind made when he looked up to find the tree three paces from them have <em>FF</em>Fuck” Felix yelled out as he paced back with his hands in his hair before suddenly turning around to punch the tree. Sylvain flinched at the yell that came out of the man and didn’t even have time to process what had happened by the time he heard Felix groaning in pain. “Shit fuck” Felix hissed in pain as he jumped back. </p><p>“What the fuck Felix?” He yelled out, before turning to the man who was now pacing while firmly grabbing onto his hand, a look of pain etched into his face. “Goddess— are you okay?!” </p><p>“Fuck right off” Felix gritted out but Sylvain could hear the pain being stifled in his words. Slowly he walked over to the man, reaching carefully to Felix and prying his hand away to look at the damage that had been made. </p><p>“Fuck Felix” he breathed out as worry settled into his bones. Felix’s hand was not only bleeding but already turning a deep purple, it didn’t take a doctor to be able to see that he had most likely broken it. </p><p>“Shit shit, okay fuck” Sylvain muttered to himself before taking off his jacket and then unbuttoned his shirt, stripping himself of it and gently tried to wrap Felix’s hand with it. The younger man immediately yelled in pain and nearly punched him for touching him but instead bit down on his other hand to hold himself back and stifle anymore screams from him. Sylvain had experience tending to cuts and bruises but never something as serious as this so he was doing whatever he thought was best. He wrapped Felix’s hand in a way that he knew would stop the bleeding and be stiff enough that hopefully it would help with the fracture, or at least stop the younger man from being tempted to move it though Sylvain highly doubted that Felix would do that any time soon. </p><p>“Alright Felix, talk to me I need to know how you’re doing” Sylvain mumbled as he grabbed his backpack and tried to find the painkiller he knew he had. It would most likely not be enough since the medicine was usually used to subdue his migraines but he figured that some relief was better than none. </p><p>“What the fuck do you want me to say” Felix snapped at him before groaning in pain. He was shaking, Sylvain could see that now, he was shaking violently and he had no idea whether it was from anger, fear, or pain. </p><p>“Just talk to me,” Sylvain answered, pulling out the pill bottle and counting out five of them. He usually took 2 for migraines and his doctor said never to take more than 6 at a time, he figured that 5 was a nice number for someone that had just broken his hand. “Sit down,” he spoke as the man just shook his head. “Fe <em>please</em>.”</p><p>Felix groaned but sat down, his eyes scrunched up in pain and now that he was closer, Sylvain could see tears slowly go down his cheeks. Sylvain would give the younger man props, if he was in his position he would probably be screaming up a storm about having broken his hand. He knew that Felix had a high pain tolerance but still, it was one thing saying you were okay with getting your back completely tattooed in one session, but it was a completely different thing to break your hand and only yell and cry a little. </p><p>Though Sylvain wasn’t foolish enough to think that Felix was that tough, he knew that the man just refused to be seen as weak even in front of him. </p><p>“I need you to take these,” Sylvain spoke softly, holding his hand out with the pills. “We still have water so take as long as you need to, it’ll help with the pain.” </p><p>“Getting drugged in the forest sounds like the worst thing to do” Felix gritted out though he was already reaching for Sylvain’s hand. </p><p>“I’m not leaving your side, Fe. You could pass out right now and I’ll still keep you safe” he didn’t hesitate to reply back. Looking straight into his friends eyes before the man looked away, mumbling under his breath before taking the medicine. “It’s going to take a while to take effect so for now just sit back and let me take care of you, okay?” </p><p>“The hell are you going to do” Felix growled as he fell back and laid on the ground, using his other arm to cover his face. “Fuck it hurts.” </p><p>“I know Fe” Sylvain mumbled before turning back to put his jacket on and buttoning it up. It wasn’t cold but it wasn’t warm enough for him to be shirtless either. </p><p>“You said you were going to take care of me.” The statement itself was bratty and rude, something that Sylvain has come to interpret as Felix disguising his pain. </p><p>“Yeah I will but I need you to tell me what you need first” Sylvain mumbled, shuffling to be closer to the younger man and carefully putting his hand on the man's shoulder. </p><p>“I need to get out of this fucken forest.” </p><p>A small sigh left his lips. “I know Fe. I know” he mumbled as he squeezed Felix’s shoulder lightly. “I’ll get you out of here. I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>Even after the pills took effect Felix was nowhere near the right condition to keep aimlessly wandering around a forest. Still, that was all they could do and so Sylvain forced the man to stand up, looping and arm around the man's waist, and began walking. The pain had already made the younger man quieter than usual, the pills made him practically mute, only groans and whines escaped the man's lips as Sylvain kept them on a straight path. The sun was already setting by the time Sylvain felt Felix's weight slowly grow on him and soon enough Sylvain had to make Felix climb on his back since the man was so close to passing out. </p><p>He cursed quietly as he kept walking in a straight line, no longer looking out for a tree with FF purely for sanity sake. His only goal was getting Felix out of this forest and to a hospital, a clear cut goal that kept him walking even once the moon was out and he couldn’t really see all that well in the dark. It was then that he saw lights in the distance, at first he had mistaken them for stars but the closer he walked the more he realized that what he was actually seeing was light streaming through windows and he nearly cried from sheer happiness. </p><p>“Felix, Felix” he hissed, jumping up and down to shake the man. He heard Felix groan quietly, the arm that was looped around his shoulder tensed as Felix slowly stirred. “Look. There’s a house Fe.” </p><p>“House?” Felix mumbled before slowly looking forward and then tensed. “House.” </p><p>Sylvain laughed at the man's reaction, “house Fe” he repeated, walking towards the lights and across the clearing. </p><p>Now that they were closer Sylvain realized that ‘house’ was an understatement, in front of them was a mansion, gated by a rusted fence and covered with overgrown weeds. Had they stumbled upon this in the day time Sylvain would have assumed that this place was abandoned with the way that nature had taken over the walls of the mansion and what he guessed was once a garden had now overgrown to the point that it spilled out to the stone trail that led to the door. Some of the windows looked to be broken while others looked to have bars on them. The front doors looked ripped right out of a church with the intricate patterns carved on the wood and just the sheer size of them. It was both beautiful and haunting, and although Sylvain loved anything gothic, his gut was telling him that this wasn’t a place he wanted to step into. </p><p>Felix mumbled something into his neck that alone caused Sylvain to stop. “Huh?” </p><p>“I said we’re gonna get killed” Felix mumbled, still groggy. “Looks fucken haunted.” </p><p>He chuckled, “yeah well. What do you want Fe? Haunted mansion or spooky woods?” </p><p>The younger man huffed before burying his face back into the crook of Sylvain’s neck. “Want a bed.” </p><p>“Haunted mansion it is” he chuckled before walking over to the gated fence. He looked around for what could hopefully be a doorbell or maybe a speaker but before he could even really look, the gate swung open for them. </p><p>“Haunted” Felix mumbled. </p><p>“Or an electrical fence” Sylvain mumbled back, though even he was starting to think that maybe Felix was onto something. </p><p>He carefully walked down the weed infested path and as his eyes looked around their surroundings he couldn’t help but feel his heartbeat speed up. The place looked even more abandoned and deserted the closer he got but the gate opened and the lights were on, surely this meant that it wasn’t abandoned right? </p><p>He breathed in slowly as he stood in front of the door, “alright Fe. Last chance… spooky forest or haunted mansion?” His reply came in the form of a small snore from the younger man and so Sylvain was forced to make that decision for them. Hesitantly he looked back to the forest and immediately felt his insides clench as a shiver ran down his back. The tree that was past the gates mocked him with <em>’FF’</em> carved into it. He kicked the door, three hard knocks before taking a step back. </p><p>He no longer wanted to look back at the forest behind him. </p><p>After only a couple of seconds the door swung open and in front of him stood a tall dark skinned man. He frowned down at them but made no move to say anything and suddenly Sylvain wished that he had tested his luck with the spooky forest. </p><p>Sylvain chuckled nervously, “hey, sorry for just barging in so late, I’m sure you’re not really used to anybody but well. Our car broke down on the highway and we’ve been lost in this forest for most of the day. And my friend he uh he injured his hand and I was wondering if there was any way that you could call for an ambulance or maybe point me in the right direction of where we should head to?” </p><p>The man looked over to Felix and then to the obvious bundled hand before nodding, “I see. Please, come in” he spoke as he took a step to the side. “We have a doctor here that can look at your friends hand.” </p><p>Sylvain sighed in relief, “thank you so much” he spoke, past hesitance out the window now that he knew that Felix could get help. “You’re a real life savior, I had him take some of my pain meds but I doubt that it did anything for him.” The man nodded as he closed the door behind them and Sylvain was left looking at the house in awe. </p><p>It was old, that was the first thing that he noted. It was old and covered in what must be antiques. A crystal chandelier was held over their heads and there were two spiral staircases that led to different wings of the house. The floors were covered in navy and black rugs and the walls were lined with portraits that looked to be hundreds of years old. </p><p>“My name is Dedue” the man spoke up, halting Sylvain’s thoughts. </p><p>“Sylvain” he turned to smile at him. “My friend’s name is Felix.” </p><p>Dedue nodded before silently walking past him. The redhead adjusted his hold on his friend before following the man, taking in the appearance of the mansion but also making sure to look over Dedue. There were a thousand questions boiling in his mind but he knew that now was not the time to ask them if there ever was a time. Despite how beautiful this home was and how generous Dedue was being to the both of them, Sylvain wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of this place and back to civilization and he feared that opening up doors that were closed off to him would do the exact opposite of that. </p><p>“You can sit your friend down there while I go get her. Please make yourselves at home” Dedue spoke before walking out of the room he had left them in. </p><p>Sylvain mumbled a thanks before putting Felix down on the plush velvet couch. His eyes wandered around the room, it looked like an office, maybe a library, he wasn’t entirely sure. All he knew was that he felt not only small but extremely out of place in this house. At least he was happy that there was a fire roaring on the fireplace and that Felix was now lying comfortably on something that wasn’t the ground. That and he also felt extremely exhausted from having carried Felix for hours on his back and walking. </p><p>“Hey Fe you with me man” he whispered, sitting down next to the man and brushing his hair off his face. “Fe?” </p><p>“ ‘M fine” Felix mumbled before opening his eyes and frowning at him. “Where…?” </p><p>“Haunted mansion” Sylvain smiled at Felix as the younger man just frowned. “Hey you can’t be mad at me, you chose this option.” He chuckled before looking around to make sure that they were alone before whispering. “They have a doctor but after that we can leave. This place…” he trailed off as he turned to look at the portrait that was in the room. </p><p>It was a portrait of a man, a boy really maybe around 17 years old. Blonde, blue eyes, he looked like what Sylvain would picture if someone told him to imagine a prince. But there was something else about the painting, something that deeply unsettled him. He loved art, he made art himself, even still he had never seen a painting that immediately made him feel such intense emotions. Sadness and fear clawed its way into his heart the longer he looked into the piercing blue eyes of the boy. </p><p>“We should leave when we can” Sylvain mumbled before pulling his gaze away from the painting. “When you feel okay to of course” he continued as he looked down to the younger man. </p><p>“Yeah” Felix frowned as he closed his eyes and sighed. “Yeah.” </p><p>Then a door was creaking open, a door Sylvain had not even noticed in his room inspection and Dedue and another blonde haired woman walked inside. She was beautiful, as most girls are in Sylvain’s eyes. But she also gave him the same… sensation that Dedue gave to him when he had answered the door. An unsettling feeling that he couldn’t quite put his finger on no matter how long he turned that over in his head. </p><p>“Hello my name is Mercedes, I’m the doctor of this estate” she smiled gently, taking careful precise steps towards them. “Dedue tells me that your friend is injured?” </p><p>Felix just grumbled something that sounded vaguely like ‘no shit’ but Sylvain doubted anyone but him had heard the man. “Yes” he smiled at her, fake and stiff. “While we were in the woods he fell and I think he might have broken his hand.” He would save Felix the embarrassment of telling everyone that his friend just had a really bad temper and a bad habit of punching walls or in this case, trees.  </p><p>“Oh my, let's take a look at it then” Mercedes said as she knelt down next to Felix, reluctantly the younger man gave her his hand. “Dedue says you gave him medicine for the pain?” </p><p>“Oh yes it was ibuprofen, but a higher dose. I forget the exact number but I had to get it prescribed to me. I know I’m not supposed to share drugs and stuff but you know,” he chuckled nervously. “He was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t just watch.” </p><p>“Ibu..profen” Mercedes whispered to herself, a hint of confusion on her face. Though that was quickly replaced with concern as she managed to unwrap Sylvain’s shirt from Felix’s hand. The hand was now a deep black purple and looked extremely swollen, just looking at it made Sylvain cringe. Thankfully Felix wasn’t looking and was instead glaring at the couch. </p><p>“It’s certainly broken” the girl sighed before turning to Dedue. “Can you bring me my kit?” </p><p>“Of course” Dedue spoke before bowing and leaving the room. </p><p>“I won’t be able to fix it completely but I can make it better at least” Mercedes smiled at them both. </p><p>“That’s all we can ask” Sylvain chuckled before feeling fingers on his hand. He frowned as he watched Felix grab his hand and then give him two quick tugs, the man was now glaring at him. </p><p>“I’ll need to get some warm water, I’ll be right back” Mercedes smiled as she stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. Once she was out of hearing range Sylvain immediately leaned closer to Felix. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Her fucken hands” Felix gritted out, he was now clutching onto Sylvain’s wrist with the kind of strength that threatened to break bones. “Her fucken hands are cold.” </p><p>Sylvain sighed, “look Fe, I know you hate the cold bu—“ </p><p>“No you don’t get it” Felix hissed, the grip tightened. “Her hands are cold Sylvain.” </p><p>He frowned, his brain desperately blocking what Felix was insinuating just for sanity sake but even then. He couldn’t just turn away, not with the way Felix was looking at him. It took a lot to freak out Felix, his brain provided him that detail, it took a hell of a lot to make Felix scared. And yet that was what was on his eyes that exact moment: fear. </p><p>“Okay” he breathed out, his voice shakier than he meant for. “Then what do you—“ </p><p>“<em>Get me out of here.</em>” </p><p>He was on his feet instantly, bending down to pick up Felix as the man wrapped his good arm around his neck. It was a dash of desperate limbs as Sylvain tried to get a grip on the younger man enough to carry him. Felix clung to him like if letting go meant dying and that alone caused his brain to panic. He should be staying calm, should be telling his friend that it was okay and that maybe his broken hand was telling him that her hands were cold. That this was just a drug induced panic attack and nothing more. </p><p>Instead he was practically running down the hallway and towards the front door. </p><p>He thinks he can hear someone behind him, but maybe that was just paranoia. All he knows is that the front door was in front of him now and that Felix wanted to get out of here so that was exactly what he was going to do. With a shaky hand, Felix managed to twist the doorknob giving way for Sylvain to kick open the door and step outside. </p><p>He breathed in shakily, his entire body shivered as he took in his surroundings. “We should have stayed in the woods...” he whispered. </p><p>In front of them laid out a completely different setting that they had walked in from. What was old and decrepit was now beautiful and alive. The overgrown garden now housed flowers with the most vivid colors, the rusted gates were now shiny silver that towered over them. Even as Sylvain took a hesitant step, he could see even the mansion was now beautiful and repaired. The walls were a painted sky blue with green ivys growing up the walls, reaching up to the clear bright sky that had not been there before. </p><p>What unsettled him however was the tall oak tree that stood proudly in the middle of the walk way. It towered over them and its branches reached out and over the entirety of the front yard, it was beautiful and majestic. But in its trunk <em>‘FF’</em> was carved into it, red color sap bled out of the cuts and Sylvain had never felt so afraid. </p><p>“<em>You cannot leave yet.</em>” </p><p>Sylvain barely had enough time to register the growled behind him before he saw the edges of his vision close out. He could hear Felix scream something out to him, his name he thinks, before his knees buckled forward. The world spinned and the last thing he saw was <em>‘FF’</em> before the world went black.</p>
<hr/><p>He wakes up to a lot of pain. His entire body feels like he’s on fire and his eyelids seemed to be sewn shut. He can’t help the whine that is ripped out of his throat as he desperately wills his body to get up, to get up and figure out why he feels this way. It takes maybe a few seconds, but to him it’s an eternity of willing his body to listen to him, to follow his commands. The minute he manages to open his eyes however, all the pain drains out of him instantly. He has half a mind to think that his brain just made up that pain, that it was just a nightmare that had dragged into his conscious state before fully waking up, it wouldn’t be the first time that has happened after all. </p><p>Blinking the fatigue away he’s finally able to process where he’s at. A room, way too fancy and luxurious for him to think it’s a hotel. The bed he’s laying on is huge, bigger than his king sized bed at home, and covered in furs that feel too soft to be fake. The walls are lined with maroon and gold tapestries with a couple of ornamental pieces sprinkled in the wall. There are no paintings, he’s grateful for that much at least. There’s also not a whole lot of furniture, the room is big, spacious enough for a lot more things to be put into the room than it currently has. There’s only a dresser and a bookshelves, though the bookshelf is empty and he suspects that the dresser will be empty too. Other than that, there’s only a fur rug that lays in front of the fireplace and nothing more. It is barren and cold even if the fire is roaring. </p><p>He frowns, swinging his legs to the side and instantly stops as he looks down to what he’s wearing. Brown slacks, it looks like the ones he had to use years ago when he agreed to dress up as a pirate with Felix during their middle school years. The shirt he wears also reminds him of that costume, it's a white flowy long sleeved shirt, the neck deep enough that his collar bones point out. That’s all he’s wearing, no shoes, no socks, and definitely not his own clothes. </p><p>That’s when the events that happened last night hit him like a rampaging bull, leaving him gasping for air as he jumps up to his feet. He’s unsettled but mainly he’s panicking because he’s alone. He’s alone in this room despite his last memory being that of him holding Felix in his chest. He practically claws at the door by the time his brain reminds him that Felix was not only injured but drugged the last time he saw that man. He rips the door open, almost off its hinges before he’s running down the hallway. </p><p>“Felix! FELIX!” He doesn’t care that he’s yelling like someone that’s gone mad, he probably has gone mad or at least he feels like he has. Every turn he makes only leads to another hallway and he curses that the mansion is as big as it is because every second he doesn’t know where Felix is is making him lose his mind. </p><p>He’s turning the corner, feet skidding on the cold floor when he suddenly sees a man standing right in front of a portrait. He can’t see the portrait from where he’s at but that matters little to him. His eyes are just trapped on the man’s hair, it’s crimson, red like his own. He doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until his lungs start burning and the world starts spinning. He pulls away then, back slamming onto the wall as he’s bordering hyperventilating with the way he’s breathing. His heart is slamming in his chest and his entire body is shivering violently. Still his brain can’t stop thinking about the crimson red and the man, it’s enough to make him peak around the corner once more. The man is no longer there, and the portrait he thought the man was looking at is just a painting of a tarot card. <em>‘XIII Death’.</em> He knows a few things about tarot cards, enough to know that card isn’t one that he should be afraid of but seeing a grim reaper is probably the worst thing for him to see at the moment when he still doesn’t know where Felix is at. </p><p>“SYLVAIN!” </p><p>He whips around, eyes frantically looking around him for the source of the voice. “Felix? FELIX!” </p><p>It’s Felix’s, he would be able to distinguish Felix’s voice anywhere. He’s running before he comprehends that he’s doing it, the painting and the man quickly forgotten as he runs down the hallways. Felix keeps calling out to him, frantic and panicked in a way that Sylvain has never heard the man. He slams himself against a wall in a much too quick turn, the air pushed out of his lungs but even as he’s gasping he’s still trying to locate Felix. Running down the stairs he recognized from when they both first walked into the mansion, he can make out Felix clearer. It doesn’t take long until he’s running down a secluded hallway, the walls lined with brick and the air thicker than upstairs. It’s a basement or at least what leads to one, but that doesn’t matter because at the other end of the hallway is Felix. </p><p>He could cry from happiness just looking at the man, he’s so overjoyed to find him that he doesn’t even recognize that there’s a silver gate separating the two until it stops him from holding Felix. Instead his hands push through the bars to grab the man, patting him down as Felix does the same to him. They’re both mumbling, breathing hard from running and wholly focused on making sure the other is okay before realizing the situation that they’re in. </p><p>“I woke up and you were gone” Sylvain breathes out, the first coherent set of words that have come out of his mouth. </p><p>“I don’t know what happened” Felix speaks, hand still clinging to Sylvain’s shirt. “We were outside then you got hit and I don’t— Fuck i don’t know what the hell is going on.” </p><p>“Where were you? I was in a room” he explains, turning to point to where he had come from but Felix’s hold on his shirt prevented him from being able to move much, that at least got him to chuckle slightly. “But other than having my clothes changed nothing happened to me that I know of.” </p><p>Felix frowned at that, “I woke up in an infirmary, my hand is..” the younger man then lifted his hand, it was completely bandaged and secured. “I don’t feel any pain either but I don’t think I’m drugged.” </p><p>“Well that’s a good thing at least right?” Felix was now glaring at him. “Okay okay yeah, not good. Yeah got it” he mumbled turning his attention to the gate separating them. “Don’t think you have a switch on your side that opens this?” </p><p>“No” Felix mumbled, finally letting go of Sylvain’s shirt and turning to look behind him and then towards the walls on his side. “There’s nothing here like that.” </p><p>The redhead sighed, “yeah, of course there isn’t one” he cursed under his breath, raking his fingers through his hair before turning to Felix again. “Guess that’s the first thing we should do then, find a way to get to each other.” </p><p>“Separate? That’s your genius idea” Felix glared at him. “Are you a dumbass? That’s the worst idea you can think of doing in this kind of situation.” </p><p>“Then what do you suggest we do,” he sighed. “Stand here next to each other until what? A magic lever appears out of nowhere?” </p><p>Felix scoffed but didn’t say anything else, the younger man was stubborn but he wasn’t an idiot. They both knew that just standing around would do nothing for the two of them and not only that but there were still a hundred million questions that had gone unanswered so far. Like who knocked them out? Where were they? How do they get out of here? Are Mercedes and Dedue to be trusted? And so many more that Sylvain wasn’t going to bother spending his time thinking, he had learned over time that it was better to leave some questions unanswered and move on sometimes. </p><p>“So then what,” Felix huffed, “we split up and try to find a way to each other?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“And what if one of us gets hurt?” </p><p>“Then we scream for help” Sylvain shrugged, pasting on a smile despite the fact that the thought of either of them getting hurt was enough to cause his insides to clench. </p><p>The younger man just glared to the side of him, his good hand curled into a white knuckled fist as he worried his lip with his teeth. Sylvain could see it in the man's eyes, how worried and scared he actually was. Felix was putting up a front, trying to snuff out his emotions the same way that Felix had for so many years. Years ago, Sylvain knows that the younger man would be crying right, bordering hysterics, and not bothering hiding the way that he felt every emotion that he was feeling. But it had been a long time since Felix showed anything so outwardly, a long time since Sylvain had seen the man cry. </p><p>It didn’t mean that Felix didn’t feel those heavy emotions though, he knew that much. </p><p>“Fe look at me” he whispered, reaching out to place his hand on the man's chest, pulling him closer until only the bars separated them. “We’re going to get out of here. I promised you that I would take care of you, didn't I?” </p><p>“Don’t promise shit you can’t keep.” </p><p>He chuckled quietly at that, Felix’s eyes now at least had some kind of bite in it that it hadn’t had before. “Yeah well, remember the other promise we made as kids?” </p><p>“The morbid one you never stop bringing up” Felix huffed but there was a slight smile on his lips. </p><p>“Yeah that one” Sylvain smiled before cupping the man's cheek with his hand, the younger man leaned to it slightly. “We die together or not at all. And given the bars that are squeezing my arm right now, I can safely say that I’m not counting this as us being together.” </p><p>Felix rolled his eyes but then reached out with his hand, grabbing Sylvain’s wrist. “If you die and leave me here I’m coming to beat your ass, I hope you know that.” </p><p>“My ghost ass?” </p><p>The both snickered at that before looking at each other. “Fe...” Sylvain started, opening his mouth to say more but quickly closed it. No. He wasn’t going to jinx themselves, there was no use for either of them to talk as if they were going to die anyways. Sylvain refused to die in this place after all, he hadn’t finally escaped his father’s grip only to not be able to finally live. </p><p>“Stay safe okay” he whispered. “You’re all I have left after all.” </p><p>“Same to you” Felix mumbled, a slight blush on his cheeks before the man stepped away. A lingering burn remained on his wrist where Felix had held him. “If anything happens run here. We can meet here since this is where we can talk and make sure we’re okay.” </p><p>“Alright” he smiled at the younger man. Selfishly, he made no move to be the first one to leave. Instead he stayed, leaning on the bars, watching the younger man until Felix mumbled something under his breath before walking out of sight. Even after he was completely gone from the hallway, he stayed stuck in place. He wasn’t one to believe in a goddess, wasn’t one to even practice any kind of the religions in Fodland, but for those few seconds where Felix walked away from him. He prayed to the goddess that if at least one person made it out of here, it was that man.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <strong>Accelerando</strong>
  </p>
</div><hr/><p>He’s learned that this mansion is illogically big. He’s counted his steps, counted the windows and stairs, this mansion he notes with a heavy heart, grows with each step. On the outside there is only supposed to be at most 3 floors and yet he’s climbing up the fifth set of stairs and onto the 6th floor of the house. Not to mention that in the side of the mansion that he is in, the number of windows don’t line up to the number of windows he remembers being able to count from the outside. It’s bigger on the inside he concludes — he doesn’t know what to make of that. </p><p>He’s disorientated and exhausted, it doesn’t help that his anxiety keeps getting higher and higher the longer it takes for him to be able to find a way out of this section of the house. He’s sure that Felix must be feeling the same way, the same hopelessness after opening another door just to find another hallway. It’s bone chilling but mainly it’s mind numbing, to be beaten down by such illogical things like never ending hallways. Part of him wishes that this could be like every haunted house he’s seen in the movies and that blood started spewing out of the walls or something because he would be able to handle that more than these never ending hallways. </p><p>The door he opens to now leads him to a ballroom, he’s on the sixth floor, this makes as little sense to him as it would to anyone else but he doesn’t question it anymore. Simply taking quiet small steps into the room, admiring the painted marble floors and intricate mosaic on the ceiling. Pictures of maidens dancing with shiny armored knights, mythical beasts flying in velvet white clouds. It’s supposed to be happy, bright and enchanting, but he can’t help but focus on the lifeless eyes of the girls or the bloodied swords strapped to the knights waists. </p><p>“You are awake.” </p><p>He nearly dies from a heart attack right there and then, his body jumping at the sudden voice. He doesn’t have to turn around to know the owner of the voice but he still does and finds the hairs on his arms standing. He never heard a door open, and the room was empty enough for him to know that he didn’t accidentally miss someone else being in the room with him. </p><p>“Dedue” he speaks hesitantly, a tinge of fear in his voice as the tall man simply nods at him in greeting. </p><p>“Are you feeling alright?” </p><p>He can’t help but chuckle, “I don’t know, what do you think?” </p><p>Dedue simply looks at him though Sylvain guesses it’s more like he’s seeing right through him, dissecting his blackened insides. “You’re scared. There is no need to be scared, I will not harm you.” </p><p>“I’m not so sure about that” he speaks nervously, taking a step back. “I don’t know what you are or where I am. Fuck I don’t even know why you won’t let us <em>leave</em>.” </p><p>The other man nods, “yes I understand but it is his highness’s orders to keep you here. I cannot go against his wishes.” </p><p>“His highness?” </p><p>“You have met him though you did not speak with him. He is the master of this domain, he controls who leaves and who stays” Dedue explains as he walks around the ballroom, feet gliding on marble as if it was ice he stepped on and not cold stone. “It is him and him alone that can decide whether or not you and Felix can leave.” </p><p>“So we’re prisoners” he asked, fingers curling into fists. There was a low simmering anger in his tone, one he knew Dedue could hear though he made no inclination of it. </p><p>“That depends” Dedue turned to him and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breath at all, “do you think you’ve done something to deserve judgment?”</p><p>His chest tightens for some reason, constricting the air out of his lungs. He’s felt this sensation before, been afraid of relieving it many times. The ticking down of time as breathing becomes harder and harder. The slow building pressure causing his lungs to be unable to expand, a slow and painful thing. Drowning. He is drowning and yet he is still in the ballroom. His knees hit the ground, shaky hands clutch at his throat and chest. He can’t breath, that’s the only thing his brain is telling him. No solution, no aid, no plan, just a simple statement that causes an all enveloping fear. </p><p>He doesn’t realize that Dedue has left, he doesn’t realize still that he isn’t alone until he feels a cold small hand touch his back and suddenly he can breathe again. He gasps, the air rushing back into him almost immediately before he’s coughing violently. The hand remains but he’s too focused on the returning sensation of being able to breathe again to really pay mind to it. It isn’t until he can take deep breaths without feeling a burn that he looks up, only now does he realize that Dedue is gone. And only now is when he turns around to find what stands behind him. </p><p>He’s dreaming, he thinks. He has to be because if not then he has completely lost his mind. In front of him stands a memory, a fragment of his past. In front of him, is crimson hair and tear filled eyes. </p><p>“You’re...” he trails off, unsure of what to say. </p><p>The small boy in front of him immediately smiles down at him, rubbing his eyes with his small fisted hand. A trickle of tears still manage to spill down the boy's cheek but the smile that is being thrown Sylvain’s way is blinding but deep down, even he can see how fake it is. Sylvain remembers this, remembers the small version that he is seeing now. Just having turned 7 years old and wearing the bright blue teal coat that Felix’s parents had bought him that winter for christmas. Sylvain remembers this because it was the first winter that he had spent with the Fraldarius’, the winter where he and Felix had become inseparable. He realizes now, that this was also when he had learned that smiling was better than crying. </p><p>“You’re crying” his younger self spoke, cocking his head to the side and frowning. “Why?” </p><p>Crying? He reaches up to touch his face surprised to find his fingers coming back wet. He thinks logically it was from the coughing and the inability to breath, but he’s not stupid enough to think that’s the only reason. He can only blink in confusion at his fingers, unsure of himself. </p><p>“They don’t like when we cry” his younger self mumbles before kneeling down in front of him. Cold fingers reaching up to touch the corners of his mouth and gently pulled them up. “Smile. It makes other people happy.” </p><p>He breathes out, half sob and half chuckle, “but that doesn't make us happy does it?” </p><p>His younger self hums, pulling his hands away and then shaking his head. “No. But it makes others happy and that’s what matters.” </p><p>He knows that, he knows that because that has been his reasoning for as long as he can remember. Selfless in it’s own way, self punishing and deprecating in another. He’s said those words to himself many times, brain washed himself into thinking that is the only way to live his life. He knows this and yet somehow hearing it said to him by himself, by his younger self, is enough to pain him. There is a poetic kind of misery at play he recognizes, to see himself when he was young and innocent, still so full of life and love, still answer those words as if they are fact and not personal preference. </p><p>“You deserve happiness too” he whispers. </p><p>“Do I?” His younger self looks at him then with a smile that is still rough around the edges, not yet mastered and still with gaping holes. “Do you think that we deserve that or is that just what you say now because you see me like this?” The boy asked before Sylvain blinked and suddenly was looking straight at himself, like a reflection in the mirror except for the fact that his other self still wore the bright teal jacket. “Will you say that I deserve happiness now that we’re older?”</p><p>He breathes in shakily, his mouth opening up to reply to the question but his voice suddenly abandons him. There are no words coming out of his open mouth, no reassurance and no promises. There is nothing but silence. </p><p>His other self smiles, perfected, masterfully crafted from years of experience as he reaches up his fingers to the corners of his mouth. “Smile. It makes other people happy.” And then he’s gone. There is no puff of smoke or blinding light, he is just simply gone. </p><p>He feels another tear roll down his cheek as he stands up to look around the ballroom but he is truly alone now. No Dedue. No past him. It is just him. Somehow he finds that to be worse. </p><p>There’s hesitation in his steps now, each room he enters he waits for another apparition, for another moment where his world is turned upside down. It is because of him expecting the worst that he does not flinch when he turns the corner and finds a blonde man leaning against the wooden railing. A black and white fur cape across his shoulders and a silver lance in his hand. He towers over the space and for a brief second he can’t help but take a step back. It is that small movement that causes the man to notice him of course, the man whipping his head to the side and piercing him in place. His lone blue eye somehow impaling him and gutting him on the spot. </p><p>He can’t bring himself to take another step back, he can’t bring himself to run or even blink. He’s frozen and he doesn’t know what to do about that. He’s functioning purely on instincts and it is because of that that when the man takes a careful step forward he smiles, bright and reassuring. Masterfully crafted to placate anyone, like hard porcelain on his skin. </p><p>Then there is a hand wrapped around his neck, he manages to yell and kick at the man before he’s slammed down on the floor. The air is once again pushed out of him and for the second time that day, his lungs burn. This time however, he does not get the satisfaction of breathing instead all he can see is vivid blue before everything starts spinning.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>An inheritance, that was what they called it. A pure and simple inheritance, something that he gained from his parents just by mere genetics and luck, but everyone claimed that it was the goddess’s decision. That it was the goddess herself that had given him this gift. That she had blessed him with what many would kill to be able to have, with what many had tried to kill to have.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you asked him, it was far from a blessing, far from just a simple inheritance. He’s known this for longer than he would ever admit. Known the real price to pay for being able to inherit the blood soaked heirloom that was his father's company. If you asked him, his brother was the one that was blessed to not have inherited anything at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sylvain.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hears the word, he feels the hand on his shoulder, but he doesn’t flinch. His eyes glued on the body of the man he once called his brother. Even to the bitter end his brother never once loved him, cared for him. It’s unsurprising but still just as painful as if it had come as a shock to him. The poison that laced his brother's last words had finally begun to sink into his skin though not as deep as the drugs that had sunk into Miklan’s heart. There is something poetic, he figures, that it was his father's sleeping pills that killed his brother.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sylvain.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Harsher, stricter, enough to make him look away from the cold grey skin and to his father. His father isn’t a man of many words, he never has been, but his eyes have always been enough to convey his emotions. Even if Sylvain hadn’t been raised by the man for his entire life, he figures that he would still be able to read the look that his father was giving him in this exact moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Disappointment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t know whether it’s disappointment for what happened or if he’s disappointed for what will happen now. He smiles, sharp and jagged, “Yes father?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Remember this well” his father’s tone was cold and harsh in every way imaginable. “This is what weakness looks like.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knew those words were going to be spoken by him, knew that his father thought that way and yet it does nothing to stop the pain that he feels in his chest. He nods, because that’s all he can bring himself to do. With echoing steps, his father moves away from him, but not too far, Sylvain can still feel his lingering presence as the world goes back into motion. Men he doesn’t know or care to know come and seal Miklan’s coffin. The rest of the people that attended the funeral is getting ready to head out to the graveyard, preparing for the coffin to be lowered. He carries the coffin because it’s the least he can do, he doesn’t have to look around to know the rest that are helping carry the coffin isn’t family but instead the funeral staff. There are no tears or sadness as half assed ritual rites are spoken that no one means, it is hard to feel any sympathy for man everyone in the room hated, Sylvain figures the only reason why they’re even performing burial rites is because he personally asked for them himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you want we can wait for you outside to drive you back home where you can mourn in comfort” a distant cousin hesitantly speaks to him. It’s done in good faith and with no malice and yet Sylvain can’t help the guttural expression that flashes his face for just a split second. He forgets sometimes, how little anyone really knows about him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. That’s fine, you can go” he speaks, his voice foreign to him even as he turns to look back at his brother's grave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before she can say anything more, take a couple steps back and try to fix what she unintentionally wounded, Sylvain is kneeling forward, eyes glazed over as he watches the wind sway the bouquet of flowers. He can feel that very wind tussle his hair as he falls to the floor, knees slamming on the cold damp ground. The rustling of his clothes enough for it to feel like all eyes were on him, even the goddess herself stopped what she was doing to watch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or maybe he was thinking of himself too highly to think that the goddess would be here to witness the tragedy that she had willingly caused.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knows he should say something, that there is a chance that his brother's soul is still here lingering around his body, waiting for him to apologize. Yet the words never come, instead in their wake comes tears. It has been years since he cried, he cannot even remember the last time he had done that. All he knows is that it was done when he was young, when he was naive and innocent, when he had not yet gotten used to the feeling of being in pain. He’s grown to be able to manage the hurt and grown to be able to learn to laugh instead of cry, to smile instead of yell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow that all went out the window. Because in this exact, he was back to being small, to being a small boy that once did love his brother. A boy whose brother had once been kind to him, had been there for him. He’s never told anyone this, but it was his brother that had taught him how to cook. It was his brother that had taught him how to draw. It was his brother that had once loved him until the goddess stole that from the both of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My brother…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Silent tears streamed down his cheeks in the same way that the cold kept spilling into his bones. No matter how much he had hated his brother, he had never wanted this to be how it ended. There had always been a small part inside of him that had hoped that maybe one day he would fix things with Miklan and that the two would grow past their hatred, that he would be able to have his older brother back. He never hoped for this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With a trembling hand, he reached out to the gravestone. Shaky fingers raked through cold soil and he had meant to touch the flowers, to touch stone, to somehow get rid of what had been done by covering his brother's name. But then a sob was ripped from his chest, clawed its way out of his tight sealed lips and before he knew it, he was wailing. Shaky hands kept digging at the dirt, trying to revert what had done but with each sob that escaped his lips, the dirt got damper. He wanted his brother back, he wanted him back but no matter how much he cried, he would never be back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t until he felt hands on his shoulders, pulling him back that he realized he had basically been digging and clawing at his brother’s tomb. The sharp contrast from the cold of his brother's grave to a warm chest was enough to make his breath stutter. There was nothing said to him, he was simply dragged away from all the prying eyes, to a place where he could grieve in peace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I have you, I have you” Felix whispered, hands gripping him tightly as he felt his own heart bleed out into the ground. “I have you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He wakes up gasping for air, hands clawing at the bedsheets as he pushes himself up. He grabs at his hair, gripping it tightly to ground himself. He counts to 10 slowly, forcing his breathing to calm down gradually, he’s no stranger to waking up from nightmares. He’s not even a stranger to reliving horrible moments in his life through his dreams, it happens enough for him to know what to do and how to calm himself. Even then it doesn’t stop the shaking of his hands. It definitely doesn’t stop the tears that managed to go down his cheeks.  </p><p>He combs his hair out of his face, scrubbing the tears out of his face before finally looking around; he’s back in the room from before. Same bed, same sheets and the same clothes on his body. He’s starting to guess this is where he’s meant to start, where he’s meant to spend more time in. There’s a significance in this room he thinks as he gets up and starts walking around the room; if not there wouldn’t be a reason for him to be brought back here a second time. </p><p>It doesn't take long for him to realize that there’s nothing here for him at least not this time around, everything is still empty. He grunts in frustration as he sits back down on the bed and lets himself flop down only for him to yelp in pain and immediately shoot back up. His back burns and aches, enough for him to look back and see if he accidentally landed on something that might have hurt him but all he finds instead is blood on the blankets. He moves fast after that, stripping his shirt from his body, seeing the back of it covered in blood as well. </p><p>He’s frantic now, panicked as he reaches back with his hand and yells in pain from the small touch. He doesn’t have to look down to know his fingers are covered in blood, he can feel them anyways. He turns then to find a mirror that he knows for a fact was not there before, he knows to hesitate, knows that mirrors and paranormal stuff don’t mix well but the blood that trickles down his spine is enough of a push for him to walk over and step in front of the mirror. He doesn’t have to turn around because behind him there’s another mirror. </p><p>There is no wound in his back, no scratches or wide cuts. There is a carving, one he’s never seen before in his life, a circular kind of crest, sharp and jagged. Blood seeps down from the carved cuts but he doesn’t pay much attention to that. His eyes are glued on the intricate carvings that are now etched into his skin. Somehow though, he feels as if this was carved so deep that it’s even on his bones. Carved so deep that it’s a part of him now. </p><p>Somehow, that is what scares him the most.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <strong>Crescendo</strong>
  </p>
</div><hr/><p>The pain on his back didn’t go away though he wasn’t necessarily surprised about that. Having a crest carved into your back was something that would continue to hurt even after a couple of seconds of stopping the bleeding. He found another shirt for him to wear at least, there were no bandages and no other things that he could use to clean the wounds but at least a clean shirt, he hopes, will be better than nothing. </p><p>The halls are quiet once he steps out into them, he’s careful about making too much noise and he’s not walking as fast as before. He’s scared, he knows now that there is something to be scared of after all. Still, he needs to find his way back to Felix and that’s the only reason why he keeps stepping out of the safety of the other room and into the unknown. The hallways he goes down through are different than he remembered, there’s not a single place that he’s seen before despite walking the same direction that he had before. The mansion changes with time, his brain provides, it’s absolutely gut wrenching. </p><p>He turns the corner then, and finds himself in a dead end, at the end of the hallway however lays the same painting that he had seen before. He hesitates for a baited second before walking over to look at the painting more closely. He was right to guess that this was a depiction of the tarot card however it’s not like anything he’s ever seen before. The painting has a man in a black clock holding a lance instead of the usual grim reaper scythe, on his lap is a skull of an animal, he couldn’t say what kind but it’s big and lacks canines so he can only guess it’s either a horse or a cow. The painting itself is black and white and there’s not many other details in the background apart from some simple designs to frame the man better. </p><p>“Lucky number thirteen” he mumbled as his fingers traced over the bumps of textured paint. It’s then that a ripple effect occurs, almost as if the painting itself had been water, slowly the painting faded away and Sylvain was left staring into a hallway. At first his brain thinks that it’s just a simple photorealistic painting of a hallway until Felix appears. </p><p>The younger man is frantic, running and opening all the doors in that hallway. He’s scared, Sylvain realizes, Felix is scared. </p><p>“Sylvain!” Felix yells out, stopping in the hallway and yelling again. Sylvain immediately slams his hands on the painting but finds it to be glass. The noise of him hitting the glass hadn’t been heard by Felix either, desperation quickly spread into him as he started pounding on the glass and calling for his friend but Felix just kept opening and closing doors, looking for him without realizing that he was right there. </p><p>He saw it then, a figure standing at the end of the hallway, a black shadow that Felix hadn’t noticed yet. “Felix, FELIX!” He’s practically kicking at the glass to try and get his friend to turn around and look at the approaching shadow but the younger man is too focused on finding him to take note of his surroundings. </p><p>His throat is going hoarse and he can taste blood in his mouth for how loud he’s yelling Felix’s name but it’s not enough. It’s not enough at all and all he can do is watch in horror as the shadow creeps up behind Felix and touches him. He sees Felix freeze, sees the younger man tense before he’s turning around ready to defend himself but stops. It’s then that Sylvain see’s the shadow change, as if a black veil was being pulled back and where blackness once was instead stood a face that Sylvain knew. </p><p>“Glenn” Felix breathed out shakily, taking a step back until his back hit the wall. </p><p>Glenn smiled, nice and patient like Sylvain had always remembered it to be. An older brother that had once been bigger than the world but disappeared so quickly, so carelessly, “are you lost Lix?” </p><p>“No. You’re dead” Felix whispered, even from afar Sylvain could see the way the younger man's body began to shake. “This isn’t real.” </p><p>Glenn hummed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, I forgot that to you, I don’t exist anymore.” </p><p>The pain that flashed across Felix’s face left Sylvain feeling gutted. He hadn’t seen that kind of pain since the day that Felix’s father had told him that Glenn had died for a good cause. </p><p>“N-No, no, that isn’t” Felix stammered out, his voice wavering. </p><p>“It is” Glenn cut him off. “I am nothing to you anymore. You pretend that I never existed, that I was never your brother.” </p><p>“NO” Felix yelled out, tears now streaming down his face. “No! You’re wrong!” </p><p>“AM I?!” Glenn yelled back, taking a step forward. “Whenever anyone mentions me you tell them to stop. Whenever you think about me you go out of your way to forget. You’ve burned all of our pictures together and cut off all ties that have anything to do with me. Face it Felix. I mean nothing to you.” </p><p>“You mean the world to me” Felix gritted out, his fingers curling into white knuckled fists. </p><p>“You sure? Because to me it just sounds like you can’t wait till the day that you forget what my voice sounded like.” </p><p>The sob that escaped Felix’s lips was enough to get Sylvain to snap out of the trance he had been put in at seeing the older man. He slammed on the glass again and again, using all the strength he could muster to get the other man to hear him even if it was bruising his skin. </p><p>“Don’t listen to him Fe! He’s not real! He’s not Glenn!” </p><p>It’s a mantra he keeps yelling. That’s all he can do as he watches the man he loves fall to ground and cry. The ghost of his older brother just looming over him with a pained smile. This wasn’t real, but the pain that Felix was feeling was and Sylvain would do anything, give anything to make it stop. </p><p>“<em>Anything?</em>” </p><p>The flash of pain that he feels hit his body knocks him to his knees and sputtering for breath. He’s left gasping for air and the edges of his vision are slowly closing in on him. It’s adrenaline and fear that manage to make him stand up and look around. The glass is now a portrait, both Felix and Glenn are gone and instead all he sees are the cold dead eyes of a man he once called his brother. Everything stops then, white noise filling his mind as he looks into the golden brown eyes of someone he had forced himself to forget. Had he really had short hair? He could have sworn that his hair had gone down to his shoulders? Then again, it has been years since his father burned all of his pictures. </p><p>“<em>What are you prepared to give? What can you possibly give?</em>” </p><p>He turns, frantically looking around the hallway for the voice that speaks to him, it’s the same as the one that had growled in his ear the day he had been knocked out and forced back into the mansion. He doesn’t know where the voice is coming from, it sounds as if it’s bleeding out from the walls but at the same time coming from inside his head. </p><p>“<em>You have nothing left to give.</em>” </p><p>The words hang heavy on his shoulders. A slow building pressure until suddenly it becomes harder and harder for him to keep himself on his feet. His breathing comes out in puffs of air and he realizes now that the room's temperature has been steadily dropping. He’s shaking, still disoriented from not just the voice but his brother’s portrait. His mind desperately begs him to get up and find Felix, to get to him and make sure he’s okay but his body refuses to do anything more than just shake and curl up. </p><p>The pressures become painful now, similar to the first initial pain that had knocked him on his feet and he’s so focused on it that he doesn’t hear the steps coming his way, the clicking of claws on hardwood floor. His body shakes both from fear and cold as the walls around him start to crystallize with eyes and yet he still doesn’t notice the looming shadow over him. It isn’t until he feels breath hit the back of his neck that everything stops.</p><p>For one second, his eyes connect to the portrait to see it change back into the tarot card only this time the man’s hood has fallen back to reveal crimson red hair.</p><p>“Sylvie.” </p><p>He’s running before he can think, the sound of that voice triggers years worth of survival instinct from him. It had been 5 years now since the last time he had heard that voice but he heard it every night, heard it in his worst dreams, and remembered it when he saw the scars that littered his body.</p><p>He runs out of that corner and finds that the rest of the hallways have iced over and that the candle’s that had been lit before have all been blown away. He doesn’t think about where he’s going or even care about the fact that he’s running in complete darkness because he can hear it running behind him. They’re not human footsteps, he knows because each step shakes the ground and he can hear the scratches it’s claws are leaving behind on the hardwood. </p><p>He makes the mistake then to look behind him. </p><p>It’s not human, he was right about that. Instead he sees a monster, a creature that he’s never in his life seen before. It’s spines on its back drag across the roof, its eyes are piercing bright red, and it’s scales shine like ice. It's both a mixture of reptile and also the most horrifying thing he could think of. It smiles at him then and in that split second, Sylvain knows that he will die by this creature's hands. </p><p>Pure instinct forces him to keep running, he can hear himself scream, can hear the frantic beating of his heart. His feet slide on ice and he’s both crawling and running away from it, his body slamming onto a wall each corner he turns. The creature is still chasing him though, ripping tapestry and paintings off the walls with each swipe of its hands, growling with each turn that Sylvain took. </p><p>He runs despite the burning of his lungs and aching of his legs. He runs though the creature still manages to breath down it’s neck. He turns the corner then, finding an open door among the hallway and immediately dashing inside. Slamming the door shot and toppling as much furniture to the door to block the creature from coming inside. He can hear it scratching, pounding on the door as he looks around desperate to find a place to hide. </p><p>Childhood instinct takes over then as he dashes to hide underneath the bed, crawling and scratching at the floor to force himself into the tight space. His chest lays on the cold ice covered floors and his back touches the mattress above him, sandwiching him in his hiding spot. Trembling hands cover his mouth and nose to try and stifle out his breathing as his heart continues to beat out of his chest, practically banging on the ice below. </p><p>It’s then that he feels claws wrap around his ankles and he barely has enough time to scream before he’s dragged down. Down into darkness, into a void. He’s screaming, clawing at anything he can grab and trying to stop himself from falling but nothing he does stops his descent. </p><p>His body hits cold water but he’s still pulled down even further, panic takes hold of him as he kicks and flails, trying desperately to get the thing to let go of him. His lungs start to burn and pins and needles start to cover his skin as the frigid waters start to pull him down deeper and deeper. He doesn’t feel anything but fear, his mind blank from everything except the pain in his chest. He can’t breath, he can’t see, he can’t hear, all he can feel is the cold piercing pain of icy waters. </p><p>Just as he feels his lungs begin to give out, the claws let go and he immediately kicks and swims until he breaks the surface. Gasping out for air and coughing violently as his lungs begin to work. It’s then that he realizes that he can stand, that the water surrounding him hadn’t been deep at all, barely reaching his waist. He continues to cough, his body shivering violently, his head pounding, and his heart slamming out of his chest. Eventually he finds himself puking out water, having to lean on the stone walls to not end up falling back into the black water below. </p><p>When he can finally breathe, he manages to look up to find the moon hanging above him, mocking him with a scene he remembers. A scene that has haunted him for years. He doesn’t have to look around to know that he’s in a well. He knows this, just as he knows that there is no hope for him to be able to climb out. </p><p>“I’m scared” a small voice snaps him out of his panic. He turns to find himself again, younger and shivering as wet clothes and hair clung to his skin. The dark purple blooms on the right of his face as blood seeps out of his nose, harsh reminders of what had happened to him before he had been thrown in here. He’s crying, shaking almost as violently as him. “I’m scared” the smaller boy sobbed out. </p><p>“I-I know” he whispers, feeling his own tears go down his cheeks. “I know.” </p><p>“I don’t want to hurt anymore” his younger self sobbed out before starting to wail and cry. </p><p>“Sshhh it’s okay” he whispered, walking through the water and reaching over to grab the smaller boy. Wrapping his arms around him and keeping him close to his chest. “It’s going— it’s going to be okay.” He whispered both to the smaller boy but also to himself. “Things are— things are going to get better” he breathed out, a sad little thing that was both a sob and a laugh. “Things are bad t-they are but they’ll get better.” </p><p>He smiled painfully, “it’ll get better it will. We just have to survive until then.” He rested his forehead on top of the boy's head, breathing in shakily before whispering to himself. “We just have to make it out of here and it’ll get better. Things will get so much better once we get out.” </p><p>“W-Will we be happy?” </p><p>He laughed sadly, “we will. We’ll be so happy that everything—everything that we went through won’t hurt us anymore.” He breathed in shakily, his fingers curling into a fist as tears kept rolling down his cheeks, the icy water numbing his body and the cold lulling him into sleep as his knees gave out and he splashed down on the water below. He’s exhausted, he’s scared, but the idea of what awaits him once he gets out of this hell, that alone, is the reason why even as his eyelids began to droop, he knows he will not die in this well just like he hadn’t before all those winters ago.</p>
<hr/><p>He wakes up to the sun and birds singing. His brain instantly tricks him into believing that it’s a dream, that he’s having yet another weird fantasy and so he doesn’t bother picking his head up. Whatever his brains wants him to see in this dream isn’t important, he chooses to keep his eyes shut and let himself bask in the sunlight for just a couple of seconds longer before he has to wake up and face reality. </p><p>“Oh he’s pretending to sleep!” </p><p>He’s instantly jumping up and manages to almost fall out of the chair he had been sitting. It’s a good ten seconds of him being absolutely disoriented and trying to figure out what is going on, before his breathing calms. He’s outside, sitting in the gardens with both Mercedes and Dedue sitting in front of him. It’s beautiful, it’s absolutely beautiful outside. The flowers that are around them are some that Sylvain’s never seen in his life, the colors bright and vivid. The skies are clear and he can still hear the singing of birds somewhere nearby. </p><p>“Are you hungry? “ Mercedes asked as she leaned forward, grabbing an empty teacup and filling it up with tea. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Are you hungry? Dedue made some wonderful meat pies that I think you would really like” Mercedes chuckled before turning to Dedue. “What was it that you used to season it again?” </p><p>“I added some spices that I grew, it’s a blend that I’ve been experimenting on” Dedue explained. “I’ll show it to you later.” </p><p>“Oh please do! It’s so tasty I can hardly get enough of it” she giggled. </p><p>“Uh” Sylvain blinked, looking between the two and then around him. He laughed nervously, “where?— what the fuck?” </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Mercedes cocked her head to the side innocently. </p><p>“What’s? What’s wrong? What’s—“ he barked out a laugh. Gripping his hair as he let himself laugh again, feeling himself getting closer and closer to snapping before he turned to look directly at her. “What’s wrong is that my best friend is fucken missing and you’re asking me to eat some fucken meat pie! What’s wrong is that we can't leave this fucken place!!!” </p><p>He laughed again, “are you fucken kidding me? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! Everything’s wrong! Felix and I were finally able to leave, to-to make a life for ourselves where we could actually be fucken happy and then this” he pointed to their surroundings. “All of this just had to fucken happen!” </p><p>He breathed in shakily, everything crashing down on him and forcing him to shut down. “I was free. I was finally fucken free” he whispered. </p><p>“Were you though,” Mercedes asked quietly, causing Sylvain to look up to her. “Were you really free or just running away?” </p><p>He doesn’t reply to that, instead he finds himself glaring at her. What the hell would she know? What the hell would she know about his life and everything he had been through. What right did she have to ask that question when it was obvious that the situation he was in could be stopped if she just helped or told him how to get out of here but instead she sat there, serving him tea and telling him that he’s just running away? </p><p>“Sylvain,” she smiled at him. “Just because you leave your father's side doesn’t mean that suddenly he’s not in your life anymore. What happened with him, with your brother, all of that will still follow you even if you move across the country. You’re not free, you just think you are.” </p><p>He feels his nails dig into the palms of his hand, breaking through skin and letting blood seep out to the table. “What do you know about being free?” </p><p>“I know that sometimes we are the ones that keep locking ourselves up. That sometimes we like to blame other people for our unhealthy behaviors without realizing that its our fault that we ended up the way that we did” she explained plainly. </p><p>“Everyone copes in their own way” Dedue spoke up. “Sometimes it helps, other times it just adds fuel to the fire. Even good people can cause a great deal of pain when blinded by their own fears.” </p><p>He breathed out a laugh, “you don’t know a damn thing about me.” </p><p>“We do” the both replied. </p><p>“We know that you push others away, you manipulate them until they’re hurting you because you don’t know how to live in a world where you’re not in pain” Dedue answered. </p><p>“And we know that you never put yourself above others, you will kill your self if it means that your friends would be happy. You do not value yourself, you don’t even remember how to” Mercedes continued. </p><p>His chest tightened as he looked at the two of them. There was no malice in their words but that did not stop the pain that he felt at hearing them. </p><p>“Don’t ignore yourself” Mercedes quickly spoke up. “Pushing everything down will no longer work Sylvain. There is a limit that humans can handle doing that before they break.” </p><p>She leaned forward then, carefully grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers together. Felix was right, her hands were cold, but he realizes now that it isn’t because she herself is cold, but more because he can’t remember the last time he felt warmth. </p><p>“Can’t you see that you’re not even surviving anymore?” She whispered, her eyes tearing up. </p><p>That causes him to stall. The weight of her words breaking into his chest, cracking his ribs, and yanking his heart out. Surviving. That’s all he has been doing hasn’t it? Not just here in the mansion, but always. He realizes now the only reason he’s been able to not break down completely about everything that is going on, the reason why he’s able to keep getting back up and moving on is because he was trained to do that. His whole life consisted of treading past the pain to only find a way out. Surviving. That is all he has been doing. </p><p>“Life is painful” Dedue spoke, his voice washing over him like a breath of fresh air. “It is painful and it is unforgiving. It does not show mercy, and it never will. Pain is part of nature but just like how pain is something that cannot be avoided, so is love and happiness. Where there is pain, there is also love. Where there is sadness, there is also happiness. It is just that sometimes pain leaves you blind and lost but it is there. It always has been.” The taller man smiled at him, “you’ve spent too long lost, Sylvain.” </p><p>“I don’t know how to..how to not...” he trailed off, his voice wavering with each word that came out of him. </p><p>The both of them smiled at him, “yes you do.” </p><p>Dedue stands then, reaching his hand out to him. “You can get out. You know how to” he continues before taking a step towards him. “You already know everything you need to know.” </p><p>He doesn’t know why, but he takes Dedue’s hand.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <strong>Ritardando</strong>
  </p>
</div><hr/><p>He ends up being taken to the back of the green house, Dedue doesn’t say anything more and when he turns back, Mercedes is gone. The taller man doesn’t say anything even as he turns to him, he gives him one final smile before he starts walking back the way they came from. For a second, he’s tempted to follow him, to stay by his side because deep down, he knows that Dedue has never meant to hurt him, that he’s been a constant safety net in this hell but he knows. He knows that he can’t. He’s never been one to walk back from where he came from anyways. </p><p>Soon enough, he’s alone, the birds are no longer singing and he finds dread slowly beginning to grow in his gut but still he manages to turn forward. Dedue had led him to a wooden door, there’s no carvings, there’s no paint, it is simple and yet the most terrifying thing he’s ever seen. He breathes in shakily, his hands sweating, and his heart beginning him to stop and take a moment of peace. To let himself breath for just one more second but he knows better than that. He knows the minute he stops everything will come crashing down on him and he won’t be able to put himself back together this time. </p><p>If there’s one thing he’s good at afterall, is being able to keep walking forward. </p><p>The door is heavy as he pushes it open, the room it leads to is dark, he can’t even see past the frame but he knows that he has to take a step forward either way. He knows that behind this door there’s a chance for him to be able to get out of this place, that there’s a chance for him to be able to get back to Felix and that’s what pushes him to take the first step. </p><p>His foot instantly steps into snow covered ground, the snow crunching beneath his bare feet. The door is gone, the green house is gone, the sun is gone, everything is gone and all that is there is a snow covered forest. Trees lined themselves in military like formation, all with the same bark and same icicles. A never ending reflection of each other. </p><p>He knows this forest too. </p><p>“Sylvie.” </p><p>He jumps at the voice but this time he doesn’t run. The voice isn’t as threatening as before. Still, he hesitates to look behind him, his back hunching over as his arms curl themselves around his torso. He breathes in, wishing that the cold would be enough to numb his fear, but he knows that it won’t. The cold if anything, heightens it. </p><p>He turns, slowly, his eyes landing on crimson red and lifeless eyes. His heart, weirdly enough, steadies. “Miklan.” </p><p>The older man smiles then, a crooked grin, “and here I thought you didn’t know how I looked like anymore.” </p><p>His arms tense around himself as he takes a step back. His eyes, however, do not flinch away. “I could never forget you, you’ve made sure of that.” </p><p>“I have, haven’t I” Miklan mused as he stretched his hand out to let snowflakes fall onto his palm. “You always hated the cold,” he laughs, “which was weird because you can’t stand the heat. You used to get heat strokes all the time during the summer.” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>The older man's fingers slowly curled inwards, crushing the snow that he had caught. “You always survived winter though. No matter what I did, you always survived through the winter.” </p><p>He laughs a little breathless, “I shouldn’t have been forced to survive anything.” </p><p>“And neither did I.” </p><p>That causes him to frown. To look down at his feet and away from the man. He was right. They both were and it was why it was so hard for him to move on from what had happened to him. He didn’t deserve his brother's abuse, he didn’t deserve his brother’s hatred, he most certainly didn’t deserve his brother trying to kill him time and time again. But Miklan— Miklan did not deserve his father’s hatred either. They were both young— young and innocent. Two boys trying to survive the best way that they could until suddenly everything turned upside down for them and they found themselves knee deep in toxic coping mechanisms. </p><p>“You didn’t deserve what dad did to you Mik” he whispered. It’s been years since he called his brother that, years since he hasn’t spoken his brother's name without fear or anger latched on to it. “What he did… you didn’t deserve any of that.” </p><p>Miklan stays quiet for a while, looking at his younger brother without any emotion before speaking, “I didn’t.” </p><p>“You didn’t” Sylvain repeats before looking up at him. “But I didn’t deserve what you did to me either.” He takes a deep breath then, “I trusted you. I loved you. Mik..I… <em>loved</em> you.” </p><p>“Your love was never enough.” </p><p>“And how was that my fault” he whispered back, his voice quivering with emotion. “How was it my fault that I wasn’t enough? That what I did wasn’t enough to love you? To save you?” </p><p>“All I wanted was to be enough,” Miklan answered, turning away from him to look back at the snow that fell over them. “All I wanted was to be loved. To be seen for who I was and not for what I could’ve been.” His brother curled his fingers into fists then, “all I wanted was a <em>family</em>.” </p><p>“And all I wanted was a brother.” </p><p>Miklan turns to him then, a mixture of both anger and sadness in his face. A single tear slipped down his cheeks then before the older man whispered, “you had everything I ever wanted. You—you had people that cared about you. That saw you for what you could do and not what you couldn’t. Had people that believed in you. You, you have always been loved.” </p><p>He hesitates, part of him wants to disagree. It’s a part that he has often let speak whenever it wants to but here in the snow, he realizes that part has only ever spoken lies. “Yeah I have. But that’s only because you didn’t let yourself be loved” he answered back, he could feel his eyes watering up, could feel the way his body was beginning to shake from the cold. “You pushed everyone away, you hurt everyone that got near you. You never let anyone in, so how could anyone love you if they never got the chance to get close.” </p><p>“That’s easy for you to say” Miklan growled. “You always had someone with you. Since you were little you had a friend, someone to call your own. Someone to be there for you when you were crying, someone you could run to and hide. I didn’t, I never did.” </p><p>“How is that my fault?” he frowned. “How is it my fault that I had a friend? That I could have someone to depend on?” </p><p>“Because you had everything else.” </p><p>He turns away then, biting the inside of his cheek and curling his hands into fists. “So then you hurt me? Beat me? Make me feel all the pain that you felt?” He turns back to his brother then, tears running down his cheeks despite the glare he was sending the older man. “You tried to kill me Miklan. The scars on my body will never go away, a constant reminder of just how much you wanted me <em>dead</em>. To the bitter end you never, ever, gave me the chance to live. Tell me Mik, would my death really have been enough to make the pain stop? Was me living the only thing that made you hurt? Or is that just what you made yourself believe?” </p><p>His brother doesn’t answer the question, instead he turns and walks to one of the trees, his hand tracing the bark and brushing the snow off with careful flicks. “It doesn’t matter whether or not it would have helped” he finally answered before turning to him. “But you know that already, don’t you?” </p><p>“Yeah…I do.” </p><p>Miklan laughed then, a painful thing, “Everytime I tried to kill you, you always managed to survive. You always managed to make it out and at first I didn’t know how but I see now that it wasn’t luck or some far off goddess” his brother chuckles before taking a step back. “It wasn’t that you were the chosen one, I see that now…” </p><p>There, carved on frozen bark— <em>‘FF’</em> </p><p>“It’s not fair,” Miklan whispered. “After everything you’ve done, after all the hearts you’ve broken and all the fucks up you’ve done. Why?” Miklan whispered as he looked to him, tears now flowing down Miklan’s cheeks. “Why did he never leave you despite you being as bad as me? You were always bad for him.” </p><p>He breathed in shakily before whispering, “because he’s bad too. Because despite all the fucks up, we still stuck around for each other.” </p><p>“That’s not fair,” Miklan whispered. </p><p>“No. It’s not.” </p><p>The snow picks up then, suddenly blowing everything around him until all he can see is white. He can hear Miklan sob, one final sob before the snow blows away and he finds himself back in the forest in front of the mansion. It is dusk now, and everything is deathly silent but his eyes are not focused on that. Instead he’s focused on the blonde man that stands where his brother stood. He’s as imposing as he had been before but there is warmth in his eye now, a kind of fondness that he doesn’t quiet understand. </p><p>“You’ve done well” the man spoke up, his voice had been the one he had been hearing before, the one that he had been fearing. This time however, it is not a growl, it is not distorted, instead it is calm. Warm. </p><p>He hears a crack then, a tree branch snapping before suddenly a rope hangs from one of the branches. He looks at it without fear, he knows that he should be afraid, that the way the rope ends—the knotted loop—is something to be afraid of. But somehow, he feels nothing at all. </p><p>The blonde traces his fingers around the carvings of the tree, “there is only one last thing I must ask you Sylvain. One final thing to prove.” </p><p>He doesn’t know why, but he finds himself walking closer, the leaves crunching underneath his feet as the wind howled around him. He doesn’t feel anything, there is a numbness in his chest he has never felt before, it isn’t until he’s standing besides the blonde with his hand touching the carvings, that he realizes the numbness he is feeling is not actual numbness but instead peace. </p><p>“Will you die today or live another day?” The blonde asked.</p><p>His fingers trace over the ‘<em>FF</em>’ on the bark, careful and slow. He realizes now that everything that he has been forced to go through was all for this moment. His brain reminds him of the question Dedue had asked him in the ballroom and he can’t help but laugh. Both at himself and the situation that both him and Felix had put themselves through. Laugh at just how easy everything actually was. </p><p>He finds himself smiling. “I will die,” he whispered. “I will die today” he repeated before the noose wrapped around his neck and everything went black.</p>
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  <p>
    <strong>Coda</strong>
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</div><hr/><p>He wakes up to someone frantically grabbing at his face and his name being called out. He can’t help but groan at that, his body feels like he’s been run over by a stampede and he has a killer headache. He would much rather do literally anything than wake up. </p><p>“Sylvain!” </p><p>His eyes shoot open immediately, scrambling to sit up. He’s immediately met with Felix kneeling next to him, the man’s hair is down and he looks like he’s gone through hell and back but Sylvain can’t help but think that he’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen. He can’t help but think that right now, there’s not a damn thing in this world that will ruin anything for either him or Felix. He doesn’t think, he just lets his body move out of its own accord as he grabs Felix's shirt and immediately kisses him. The younger man gasps into the kiss before grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. Kissing him with as much desperation as Sylvain was kissing him. </p><p>“You’re okay” he breathed out, not bothering to pull away and let the words get muffled in chapped lips. “You’re okay.” </p><p>“Fuck you, fuck you” Felix said in between kisses before pulling back, cupping his face with his hands. “Fuck you for making me wait out here. I’ve been waiting for you for too long.” </p><p>He can’t help but laugh at that. “Give me some slack Fe, I went to hell and back for you.” </p><p>Felix laughs at that, his eyes watering with tears Sylvain knew to be true before the younger man pulled him closer so that he was holding him in his arms. “I saw you, I saw you in the hallway” Felix whispered. “I saw that thing chase you and I couldn’t get to you, I couldn’t get to you no matter what I did and I—” </p><p>“Ssshhh,” he hugs him then, “I saw you with Glenn, I tried to get to you too. We both— we just couldn’t get to each other.” </p><p>“Fuck” Felix laughed breathlessly. “Fuck all of this.” </p><p>“It’s fine Fe, we’re fine now” he whispered, pulling back enough to cup the man's cheek and look at him. “We’re fine now.” </p><p>The younger man breathed out shakily, “I don’t think we’ll be fine for a long time.” </p><p>“Probably” he smiled. “But it’s not like you and I haven’t gone through worse together.” </p><p>To that Felix smiled, “yeah” he whispered, leaning forward. “We’ve gone through worse,” he whispered before kissing him. </p><p>It took awhile for them to pull away from each other, to get up and keep walking forward. Much to Felix’s anger, their car was not only only a couple of feet away, but in working order as were their phones. They don’t look back as they drive off, not to their old lives or the mansion with rusted gates or the carvings on some tree. </p><p>They’ll talk about everything they went through, they’ll discover that it wasn’t all in their minds when they later on get to the hotel and find the crest carvings, now scars on their skin. They’ll learn to get better, to reach out when they need to and move on. They’ll find out what everything meant and come to a point where they’ll look back at that mansion and be thankful for saving them from the life they would’ve ended up living. They’ll make a life without cold, a life where they always find their way out of the endless forest. But for now, all Sylvain can think about is just how happy he is to finally be able to live.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Maybe one day I’ll post a part two of this explaining what happened to Felix during his time in Blaiddyd Manor Since that was initially the plan but then I got caught up on Sylvain’s story aha but for those curious: </p><p>- Felix’s reason for being in the manor was his inability to take control of his life and do what he wanted. He let Glenn’s death be the reason for his life spiraling and why he did the things that he did instead of owning up to his own faults. He also let the sudden accident that took his brother’s life lead him to being unable to handle trusting others with any kind of control which had been causing the rift between him and Sylvain </p><p>- He’s forced to confront not only his shitty way that he has been grieving but also the fact that he can’t just ignore the pain he feels about Glenn. That he has to let himself grieve and reach out for help instead of blaming everything and everyone and not being willing to get better</p><p>- Not only did Glenn haunt him but so did child Sylvain, the smaller boy appearing to him and asking him why Felix refused to trust him and why despite all the times Sylvain has proven himself to be able to care about him, he can’t accept the idea that not only did he chose him instead of Glenn but that Sylvain has always been trusting of him despite Felix not trusting him in return </p><p>- In his final test, Dimitri had him chose between two paths. One where Glenn stood at the end telling him that he would help him learn how to get better and where to find Sylvain and help them get out and another with the tree that had FF on it. The right answer was the FF since that would be him accepting that he alone has to learn how to get better and take control of his own life and that he has to learn to trust that Sylvain(and others) can handle themselves</p><p>If you want more about this AU go yell at me on  <a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/wrathiess">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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